Leaf by mewithoutYou

Feb 13 2011 8:33 PM

If you fail to see a problem, which I find hard to believe,
Or if you’re hanging on from branches licking honey from the leaves;
You say, “The hopelessness of living…and the childishness of suicide!”
But there’s a call to love my brother that can never be destroyed.

However much you talk…however well you talk,
You make a certain sense, but it’s still only stupid talk.
However much I strut around…however loud I sing,
The shining One inside me won’t say anything.

Oh, to want one thing!
Oh, to want one thing!
(Oh, the purity of heart)
Oh, to want one thing!
Oh, to want one thing!

And you’ll remind me how I said you were a quiet bed in all my noise to rest…
Well, I was charming you at best.
Can you remember, dear, my saying how my coming here was a terrible fall,
As we crept like thieves along your bedroom hall?
I’d come down and touch your eyelids, but if you stay up too late
I’ll throw you back into the cupboard with all the chipped and dirty plates,
Like the carnival game with the bottleneck and rubber ring…
Where even if you win, even then you don’t win.

(All I want is to want one thing….)

I’m feeling this song right now. I hadn’t listened to it for a long time.

The third and fourth lines—there’s where I’m at right now. I never intend suicide, I know it’s useless and probably even sinful. But I feel an emptiness sometimes. What else is there to life? I finished highschool. What now? The value of my life in my own eyes has decreased. I don’t want power, I don’t want fame, I don’t want to be known.1 I will hold on and help those I love as much as I let myself.

I feel now more than ever that “All things are wearisome, more than one can say.”2 Just wanting one thing would be nice. One thing to hold on to.

  1. Umm, what’s this blog for? Good question. 

  2. Ecclesiastes 1:8