Not in Love

Feb 14 2011 4:54 PM

I like the idea (and reality, for my friend M. Barley) of being in love, but I’m not, and I like it, too.

As a boy under 10, I was naturally inclined to find girls disgusting and marriage something not to be done. As I grew up, my feelings changed, as is also natural. As Pastor Tollefson is fond of saying, boys watching kisses go from ‘ewwwwwww!’ to ‘eww’ to ‘oooooooh’.

So I became open to getting married. I began to desire it. Even though I’m quiet and introverted and can be alone, loneliness stabs me easily enough. As these changes took place, I also entered into a lonely period of my life, slogging through high school.

I am convinced that marriage is a good thing to desire. All the world screams it. Marriage fulfills God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. It is the beginning of the family, a country’s basic building block. Obviously, it’s a healthy and needed relationship.

Deep down, I don’t want it anymore, though. My life has changed, I’m no longer so lonely. I have two new best friends and that is all I want—a deep and satisfying friendship.

Certainly I should consider carefully. There is only so long a time where it is best to have a family. But there are many other things to do. Many people to love and help. Many lessons to learn. Much money to earn, save, and give. Many things that remain unexplored. Many fears to overcome.

This is how I will keep on for now, hopefully learning satisfaction in God. Serving him and finding happiness in his provision seems to be the deepest core of life, even if it’s not always a thought to be seen on the surface.